Sunday, April 6, 2014

Of course, it would be amazing to not have to poop.  Ever.  From the perspective of managing and reducing waste, it would be a terrific blessing.  Lately, I feel like I'm wasting things when I have to use water and paper to clean up after taking a BM.  I am, more or less, as much as anyone else is.  But to poop is to think.  I shan't give that up.  To poop is to welcome opportunity.

I'm not sure where the acceptable amount of waste ends in this world.  I'm not certain that I'm thinking as much as I should be, either.  And all of this can be measured in stools.  Time to start trying harder.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Poo poo scrapies

It's not scabies, it's not rabies, and it's kind of scrappy.
I'm thinking about how the English language lacks a word (that I know of) for the little turd marks that get left behind on the toilet bowl after the flushing of a particularly vigorous crap.  Skid marks works in a metaphorical sense, but I feel like the colloquial use of skid marks is too tied to marks left in the undergarments at present, doubling up on meanings seems short-sighted.  So I suggest "scrapies".  It's not perfect, but it's evocative of poo scraping down the side of the toilet bowl as it goes, and it has the air of residue.

Some test cases:
It's hard to look dignified when people have seen your scrapies.
What's less aesthetically pleasing, scrapies on a white toilet bowl or scrapies on a pastel-colored one, say pink or turquoise?

Friday, March 21, 2014

Delivered One Day Late

Today's second dump: very sulfur-smelling.  Not steamy at all, in my current parlance.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

More optimism from Dave

For I am an artist and this nice clean toilet bowl will be my canvas today.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

To Wipe the Unwipeable Shite

I took a poop at a respected music venue tonight.  They have a stall in the men's room that has within it a sink.  I love pooping there.  Washing one's hands before putting all one's things back on is a great luxury.

It was right about 8pm and the show figured to start at 10 after.  I did the pushing out pretty quick-like but then there was some clean up to do.  The toilet paper was pretty unsatisfactory, too thin (and I like thinner stuff in general).  Didn't fold up into a useable wad as I'd like.  I needed more wipes than I'm accustomed to.  Bummed, so to speak.  It was taking a while.  I had to stand up to get better leverage.  I kind of rushed it.  Cleaned up, went in and saw the show, got in just as they closed the doors.

There's the sitting down thing that happens when you maybe haven't wiped A+ level, and you're kind of like, I'm probably just getting shit on myself or my undies or whatever.  And you're probably not, but you feel like you are.  Maybe you stand up (or refuse to sit) more than you normally would because you don't want to chance it and think if you can wait 15 minutes and wipe again everything will be fine.

Show ended, I didn't go running back to the bathroom.  Went to a bar with a friend, ordered my drink, and immediately went to the loo.  Occupied.  So I had to sit down again.  Played it cool.  Got in the john eventually, did a little more wiping without any more pushing out.  Had a remnant or two.  It was the pocket feeling, like there's a pocket of gooey waste around your butthole that can produce ad infinitum.  I did the best I could in a cramped bar bathroom.  Felt fine.

Was just peeing back at home and I thought, let's take an exploratory wipe, see what happens.  Sure enough, still some detritus back there.  Will it ever end?  Maybe this just goes until shower time tomorrow.  These are ridiculous shits, when this happens.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Media Tip #2

For a good read, on the crapper or otherwise, check out Ronald Blumer's fine new book Wiped: The Curious History of Toilet Paper.  It came my way because, well, when you operate a blog about dookies these things tend to make their way towards you, and while it's a modestly sized, self-published looking thingie, it's got a lot of insight and a lot of heart.  Not all of the book is about toilet paper per se, there's some fine comparisons between paper & hand wiping, talk about the history of plumbing, and things of that nature.  But it made me want to talk about these subjects with other people and analyze the systems that deal with our shit today (and those of the past as well), so it's a winner to me.  Sure to make you think.  Possibly will also make you poop.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

this is weird

At an "art supply" store.

I would not utilize such a product, despite my enthusiasm for turds.  A little too cutesy, in the words of Anthony Braxton.