Monday, June 29, 2015

bathroom haiku

This morning at work
a lavender-scented dump
I didn't make it

(came into my head just before I peed a little on my belt)

Sunday, June 14, 2015


I just took a dump, a dump that had been building for a while.  It was voluminous.  It was made of little finger-length segments.  And it was all greenish-brown.

Now, I've had the occasional BM where there's a texture gradient - it starts really loose and then there's a hard packed gem following it up, or more likely the other way around.  But what I've never seen, and what this voluminous turd got me thinking about, is that I've never had a poop where it started one color and ended another.  It's funny, there must be some aggregation of very different foods taken in that gets combined into a single dump, but is there a process of chromatic homogenization that takes place in the colon or something?  You produce different looking dumps at different times, but at one time, you rarely see something heterogenous.  Why is that?

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

At Souen on 6th Ave, one goes to the men's room, and one notices huh, there's bunch of toothpicks next to the sink.  And with a dump coming, one thinks, I could kill two birds with one throne.

And then one keeps this thought to oneself.

Thursday, April 9, 2015


When I have to take a dump particularly much, or the dump that I take is remarkable somehow, the word that usually comes to mind is "steamy", as in, man that was a big, steamy dump.  Probably it comes from here.  I don't think I really said it before I saw this clip years ago, but I definitely use it a lot now.  Usually "big" or "meaty" might also be involved.  No, just big, not meaty.

But dumps aren't steamy unless they're in the snow or something.  So what gives?  Where am I getting this from?

There's something kind of empowering, after you've taken a heinous crap that you wanted very badly to get out of your body, to think of it steaming like it came from hell or something.  Maybe that's where it comes from.  Smelly and steamy are not unrelated in a cartoon vision of smell having little steam lines.

One thing to notes is that dumps can be steamy, but not poops or shits.  Maybe turds.  But steamy & dump just go together so well!

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

We're Not Like Dogs

I walk into the bathroom at work and it's a nice laboratory.  It's a lab for poop smells.  I walked in later in the day today and the dump smell that existed there was really refreshing to me.  You could use words and could compare it to other smells but why?

I'm just thinking that it's funny how other people's dumps sometimes smell great and sometimes the worst.  I think the floor is way lower than the smell of your own dumps, but the ceiling isn't higher.  My own dumps smell more interesting/refreshing/cool than anyone else's, and I think that's not because of my diet, it's not objective.  But walking into a shit smell that makes you happy and that you had no hand in producing is a pretty cool feeling.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

dump stations

My routine these days is to wake up at 8:15, shower, eat, and then drop a dudley between 8:35-8:50.  I don't force it, it just consistently comes up in that window.  This morning, nothing was pressing at that hour.  I thought about forcing it, but then I remembered that my new work place (I'm two months in) is much more dump friendly than my old work place.  In the old place, there was no aural privacy, you could hear everything.  I don't really go for that with work-level acquaintances.  In the new places, there's two bathrooms on the floor and they're pretty far from anyone's desk.

Side gripe: of the two work toilets, one flushes very easily and the other, which is closer to where I sit, you have to hold the handle a good 5-10 seconds to get everything to go down.  It'll go, but you gotta give it some time.  So a lot the people who work on my floor don't know this and there's a lot of remaining bits of toilet tissue or excretion left behind.  C'mon people.  At the old job, it was large wads of toilet paper that wouldn't go down.  I had to pee the wad into the water (I was the only guy).  It gave me the willies.  I actually mind flushing other people's waste less than that wad task.  I hate wet paper.  Fun fact: people who don't flush well correlate closely with people who let the door slam.

Anyway, this morning, no early dump.  No work dump.  I got home at 6pm and dumped for the first time.  Not a usual day, but a day nonetheless.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Unpleasant Confirmation

It's been years since I had a confirmed sighting of a shit stain that I had produced myself.  And yet, just the other day, there one was, staring back at my from the pajamas I'd been leaning on pretty heavily of late.  Et tu, pajama pants?