Thursday, October 9, 2014

More in the Mail

Our loyal reader out of IL writes again.  Here's what he says:

Toilet paper: over or under.  An age old question.  I read a good book about this and recommended it a few months back, it was called Wiped.  It says: no agreement.  I guess for me over is the smarter way.  Under's not so bad though.  I don't have strong feelings about it.

I suppose this is a good place to mention that for the last five years I haven't used the wall-mounted system.  It's just rolls of toilet paper, stood up on the flat end, and you pick it up when you need it.  I had a roommate in college who found this gross, thinking that whatever was going on with your non-dominant hand was probably not very clean.  I try not to worry about it.  The wall mount unit, where it is in my bathroom, is just too low to make sense.  And there's a good shelf right there.  So that's what my life is like.

But yeah, generally I think over is a little smoother, a little nicer flow.

Monday, August 25, 2014


We've never taken postcard questions before here on the DDB, but there's first time for everything!  We got this missive from a human in the great state of Illinois:
The gist of the question from WIPE is, are toilet manufacturing engineers shoe-horning our bathroom behavior?  I'm torn.  I love efficiency, and I can relate to the product designer who crunches numbers and determines the most likely outcomes with the product they're producing.  I also respect the technocrat who determines the optimal usage for a product and then makes that product difficult to use otherwise, who encourages optimal behavior.  I relate to those impulses of gentle paternalism.  I'm no libertarian.  However, I also believe in basic freedoms where one is most sensitive, and more over I believe that if you can do something without using electricity, it's always better than doing it with electricity.  So I'll say this, WIPE, electric flush toilets are inferior products.  Hands free in the bathroom is nice, but that's where foot pedals are useful, if you're into that kind of thing.  People abuse the flushing of old fashioned toilets, but they do this plenty to new fangled ones as well.

I support your erect wiping research, and I hope you keep us posted.  There's nothing worse than an electro toilet thinking your down and getting your ass all wet with a mixture of water and poo.  On that we can all agree.

Also, someone recently suggested to me that men are perceived as sit down wipers and ladies as stand up wipers.  I don't have the data on this.  Myself, I sit down about 80-90% of the time, thought I'd never exclusively stand up, it's like a finishing maneuver.

I hope this helps and would love to hear all thoughts on the subject!

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Nothing like taking a big dump to make a young man feel strong and muscular.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

In Support of Bravery

Let us praise those particles who, when the rest of the stool settles for the bottom of the bowl, bravely rise above and float to the top of the water line.  Why do they do it?  Where do they find the strength?  We mere mortals are not blessed with this knowledge, but we are given hearts to appreciate such steadfast courage.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

office poo research

One Jacob B, a wonderful man who's known me since I was not yet a person, wrote a fine novel called The Bend of the World.  It's about Pittsburgh, about friendship, about paranoia, about saying yes to things because it's easier that way, about the escalation of suspicion into something more sinister.  Et cetera.  It's great.  Anyway, there's a fine thought by Peter, the narrator, on having a great office to shit in, and I share it with you below.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

small and knobby

Just passed a turd that was small and dense. It came out in slow motion, sort of like when a printer is printing something hi res and it takes a long, steady trip to get it done. And then there was nothing more in my colon.

Monday, June 2, 2014

it's no fun

I've been keeping this channel quiet of late.  It's just that it's no fun right now.  Having some butt issues that are common throughout humanity but new to me.  It's just uncomfortable, and it takes the fun out of pooping.  There's a whole range of new experiences, but I don't care to share them right now.  Maybe at a later time.  But I feel like I'm getting better.  Here's to better butt times.

Poop one well for your boy,
- D