Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Regal Hierarchy

My morning dumps of late have me thinking that the morning dump is like a king, where other dumps throughout the day are mere princelings.  Something like an 18th Century map of Germany could be made every day from the reality of my dumps.  Or maybe farther back in Italy with el papa being the morning dump and the others being smaller dukedoms or what have you.  All hail the morning dump, rex imperator.

Friday, July 17, 2015

Just once

I have only shat in a garbage can once, to date.

That is all.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

P.P. Buster

I know this isn't a blog about pee, but I can't help myself.  This was really remarkable:

I'm in Nashville, I'm in a bar that rewards people for drinking its full selection of beers with something on the wall.  I, for the record, had had one cider to drink, but as usual I had to pee a lot.  Clear and copious, as wise friend used to advise me.

Anyway, I'm at the urinal, letting out a rather generous stream of urine, and a gentleman comes up next to me, also starts peeing.  He does that thing that many guys do these days - he spits when we starts peeing.  As far as I can tell, he missed his dork with that spit (something I always wonder about when I see men do this).  I keep peeing, but I notice he spits again.  And ten seconds later, again.  And then by the fourth spit, I'm like WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, MATE?  All I can think is, will he go to five?  Will he go to five?  And at last, yes, he does, he spits for a fifth time, whilst urine is still leaking out of him.  That was all he had, no more spits after the fifth.

But seriously, what the fuck are guys doing when they spit while they pee at a urine?  If they were doubly aiming for something, I could get that, but I just don't know.  Many spitters, many reasons, but if you've got some insight, do let me know.

The finishing touch - dude finished his pee and the next guy after him immediately stepped up and spat before whipping it out to relieve himself.  Maybe it's that urinal.  And yes, I had a colossally long pee during which to watch all of this take place.

Monday, June 29, 2015

bathroom haiku

This morning at work
a lavender-scented dump
I didn't make it

(came into my head just before I peed a little on my belt)

Sunday, June 14, 2015


I just took a dump, a dump that had been building for a while.  It was voluminous.  It was made of little finger-length segments.  And it was all greenish-brown.

Now, I've had the occasional BM where there's a texture gradient - it starts really loose and then there's a hard packed gem following it up, or more likely the other way around.  But what I've never seen, and what this voluminous turd got me thinking about, is that I've never had a poop where it started one color and ended another.  It's funny, there must be some aggregation of very different foods taken in that gets combined into a single dump, but is there a process of chromatic homogenization that takes place in the colon or something?  You produce different looking dumps at different times, but at one time, you rarely see something heterogenous.  Why is that?

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

At Souen on 6th Ave, one goes to the men's room, and one notices huh, there's bunch of toothpicks next to the sink.  And with a dump coming, one thinks, I could kill two birds with one throne.

And then one keeps this thought to oneself.

Thursday, April 9, 2015


When I have to take a dump particularly much, or the dump that I take is remarkable somehow, the word that usually comes to mind is "steamy", as in, man that was a big, steamy dump.  Probably it comes from here.  I don't think I really said it before I saw this clip years ago, but I definitely use it a lot now.  Usually "big" or "meaty" might also be involved.  No, just big, not meaty.

But dumps aren't steamy unless they're in the snow or something.  So what gives?  Where am I getting this from?

There's something kind of empowering, after you've taken a heinous crap that you wanted very badly to get out of your body, to think of it steaming like it came from hell or something.  Maybe that's where it comes from.  Smelly and steamy are not unrelated in a cartoon vision of smell having little steam lines.

One thing to notes is that dumps can be steamy, but not poops or shits.  Maybe turds.  But steamy & dump just go together so well!